Fuck Feelings. Fuck People

Seriously, I am not really in the mood to do anything at work. My workplace sucks, my salary grade sucks, the people I am working with are wearing me off and I am getting tired of their personality. I don’t really know if the problem is on me or the system. I just want to sleep all day, do nothing. Maybe because the people around me are draining so much of my energy, I can’t ride with them or I can’t be with them because I am afraid that they might not want me.or that maybe I am too difficult for them.

Okay. I am that type of person who will not talk or start a conversation if I am not in the mood to do so. I just care so much about what the people I am with will think so I chat a little even if some conversations we share are pointless or useless. Because I am afraid they might feel awkward. It’s just sometimes it’s so draining, that I don’t want to greet anybody or talk to anyone. I just want silence. I get so uncomfortable with the noise they make sometimes, it makes me feel vulnerable because they might think that I should be making a contribution for the conversation or laughter or that I should blend with the group. I do blend with the group sometimes/ most of the time I just want to be alone.

One of the contributing factors of why I am feeling so fucking empty right now is that I am getting tired of everything/everyone around me. I hate that some people are taking me for granted. They do not appreciate my efforts, the things that I will do for them and the things that they will not do for me. I am always the giving one. I am always the one who will have to sacrifice. I know they do not mean to make me feel that way, but do I have to say what I really want? It might get uncomfortable because I do not know how to articulate these things because I might hurt their feelings or I might end up being the bad guy. I’m just getting really pissed and really tired with these people. I don’t want to fake smiles anymore, I just wan to finally finally get over this. It might not be a big deal for them after all, so here I go. I will not say anything.  I’ll try not to feel anything. It’s just so fucking hard sometimes, especially with that kind of people around you.

 

Fuck Feelings. Fuck People

Dagat

Isa sa pangarap ko para sa sarili ko ngayon ay makalibot/ makagala. Bilang alam nyo naman kung gano ko kagusto ang dagat at kung paano ako parang baliw tuwing nakakatanaw nito sinabi ko sa sarili ko “Sige, isang dagat kada buwan”. Kaya ko ba? Kaya ba ng bulsa ko? (ang hirap maging minimum wage earner mga bes sa totoo lang 356 a day walang allowance) At higit sa lahat kaya ko bang bumiyahe at mag explore.

Tapos heto ako ngayon, nakaka dalawang dagat na ko ngayong taon! Akalain mong kinaya ko? Ikukwento ko yung una naming pinuntahan o sya tignan mo ha!

CALAYO NASUGBU BATANGAS 02.25.17

Sikreto kung paano ko na diskubre ang lugar na to, side trip lang kase sya tas bigla kong nakita. Ang Calayo ay isang astig barangay sa Nasugbu, maliit lang syang barangay pero alam mo kung paano sya naging astig. Nung dumating ako doon sakay ng tricycle mga bes yung mga bahay don sa likod nila isang napakaganda at napakalinis na DAGAAAAAAAT!

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Maraming mga magagandang beach sa Batangas pero nung nakita ko to parang gusto kong magpabalik balik (malapit eh hehe). Convenient na sya kase paglabas mo ng dagat may mga tindahan na pupwede mong mabilhan ng pagkain at ng iba pang magagamit. Mura lang yung entrance at mga cottage na offer nila, pwede ka ring mag tent.  Literal nga lang na kalayo ng tatahakin mo para makarating dito pero sulit naman. Kalmado yung dagat kaya mas masayang lumanggoy, marami rin silang ino-offer na mga activities.

Kung gusto mong pumunta ganito kung paano:

  • Sakay ka ng bus going to Nasugbu Batangas (BSC/DLTB)
  • From Nasugbu Batangas (bayan) may mga tricycle don na pupwedeng masakyan ang pamasahe ay 250-300 php sabihin nyo na sa Calayo kayo pupunta then ido-drop naman kayo don.

Merong mga islang na pupwedeng bangkain from Calayo, ino-offer rin ng mga beach resort to doon.

Ang pangalawang napuntahan ko nito lang eh sa Tingloy Batangas.

MASASA BEACH TINGLOY BATANGAS 03.31.17

Eto siguro yung sunod na medyo malayo kong napuntahan, sikat ang Masasa Beach dahil nung pumunta kame don napakarami rin naming kasabayan papuntang isla. Batangas nanaman, they never fail to amaze me at marami pa kong kelangan ma explore sa lugar nila.

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Nung una kinakabahan ako mag byahe at baka hindi kami makarating, minsan talaga paranoid ako eh. Nung nakarating kame sa Tingloy hindi rin ako makapaniwala na narating ko yung lugar nila, lakasan lang talaga ng loob minsan. Eto bes listahan kung papano ako nakarating dito:

  • From Dasma (sa rob pala-pala) sakay ka ng pa Bauan Batangas 145 php; kung sa Manila ka galing pwede kang sumakay ng mga bus going to Grand Terminal ng Batangas
  • From Bauan sakay ka sa may palengke ng pa Mabino/Anilao 22 php sa mismong Anilao ang last stop ng jeep at dun ka bababa para sumakay naman ng bangka pa Tingloy
  • From Anilao kelangan nyo munang mag register para sa bangka pa Tingloy at magbayad ng environmental fee na 30 php yung boat ride is 80php
  • From Tingloy pwede ka nang sumakay ng tricycle papuntang Masasa Beach

Konting tips lang:

  • Kung nagbabalak kayong pumunta ng Masasa mas mabuti kung weekdays or Friday kayo pumunta. Tuwing Sabado kase sobrang daming tao hassle lang rin para sa inyo lalo na sa pag-aantay ng bangka. (Maniwala kayo sakin kase nakita ko yung volume ng dating ng tao, 2pm ng Sabado pauwi na kame then ang dami pa ring tao na nag aantay ng bangka)
  • May mga makakainan at mabibilhan naman ng pagkain at tubig sa Tingloy hindi ka magugutom
  • Merong mga rooms/tents na pupwedeng marent mismo sa beach area pwede kayong magtanong tanong sa kanila
  • Clean as you go! Wag kayong mag-iiwan ng mga kalat nyo. Irespeto nyo ang kalikasan please

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Hanggang sa susunod kong gala!

 

Dagat

Quick Rant

Well the like most gasgas saying goes “haters gonna hate”. I’ve been observing my some people for quite sometime now. And boy I’ve been learning a lot from them, nakakatawa minsan yung mga reaksyon nila sa bagay bagay. Ako rin naman nakakatawa yung mga reaksyon ko sa mga bagay bagay pero I am more on the quiet, go with the flow side. Sila they’re energetic, loud, funny and sometimes over the edge.

I just have the urge to say that some of them are judgmental. I mean okay I know na nabubuhay tayo sa mundong ito para husgahan pero what the actual fuck do they really have to judge without even thinking? Fine they don’t like something or the idea of it, pero ganon ba kahirap buksan yung isipan ng isang tao para sa isang bagay na hindi nila kayang baguhin? I mean come on people maraming nagbabago hindi pwedeng ikaw lang ang hindi maga-adjust!

 

Quick Rant

Split

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The broken are more evolved.

Nung nakita ko yung trailer ng Split napa “astig” talaga ako kase facinated ako sa mga stories na involve ang DID ( Dissociative Identity Disorded). It was discussed dati samin na maraming psychologists na hindi naniniwal sa DID. Kahit ako, sabe ko dati to see is to believe. Pero at dahil isa lang naman akong normal na tao na minsan merong malawak na imahinasyon tinanong ko yung sarili ko, bakit nga ba hindi pupwede?

Kung titignan nga natin, napaka-complex ng utak, napakaraming “OO” kesa sa “HINDI”. Ang superb lang kase ng ideya na alam mo yung may ibang tao na nakatira sa pagkatao mo. Merong “wise man” “babae” “bata” “lalaki” at kung ano pa man. It’s like a very fine discovery. I wasn’t able to encounter a DID patient nung undergrad ako at gustuhin ko mang mag clinical setting masyadong mahirap (pero pinag-iisipan ko pa).

Ewan, basta panuorin nyo to kase ang galing lang ni McAvoy dito. Tapos ang ganda pa nung babae, kamukha sya ni Kendall Jenner.

Split